Out of the Darkness

It's been almost a year since I've written - we've had our second baby, Harrison John. I returned to work, and we've somehow survived the toughest first 6 months of having two children (who are both still under 2 years old).

Something I have been very private about and have finally decided to speak more openly on is the postpartum depression I experienced for a long time after having Harrison. Now that I am firmly on the other side and life feels so sweet, I can reflect back on that very dark chapter of my life.

What was very difficult when I had Harrison was the fact that I had experienced no postpartum with Charlotte, and I was so incredibly happy when she joined the family. But following delivery and in the weeks and months after I brought Harrison home, I couldn't shake the feeling. I was so anxious, tired, paranoid and unhappy.

Call it running after a toddler, adjusting to two humans always needing something, functioning on limited sleep, but I was thrown for a loop. Khaner, on paternity leave, still had to be on a work trip 2.5 weeks after we brought Harrison home, and I found myself laying on our bed, weeping, begging him not to leave me, even with my MIL here to help.

My friend Stacey brought us dinner one night as part of a meal train our friends had started, and I had never known she had faced the same challenges with her second baby. She promised me I was going to connect with him soon, and I would come to feel the same way about him as I did Charlotte. It was an awful feeling to not adore, love and dote on this thing you created, but it was my reality.

Fast forward 6 months later, and we really do have the sweetest little boy, who LOVES to go to sleep, take naps, cuddle and sing songs. I even got away last weekend for my HS best friends' bachelorette party in NY and stayed out wayyy past my bedtime. It goes to show that you can come full circle again.

There is a ton of books, support groups, and unsolicited advice parents love to give other parents, but what I will say is to give yourself some time, cut yourself some slack, and take stock in the good things you do as a parent. There will come a time where things will fall into place, and in the interim, give yourself some grace.

Look at this nugget!

Charlotte turns 1!

It is hard to believe, but our pride and joy turned 1 last month! This year was a whirlwind and we will be having an even bigger year with our little boy arriving in December!

To celebrate our princess, we had some family and close friends over for pizza and cake on a perfect late summer Saturday.

I was heartbroken these were discontinued but was able to replicate the invitation in Powerpoint!

"Party Animals" was our theme!

An easy and quick drink to whip up for a crowd is a basic Arnold Palmer - I choose to make unsweet tea mixed with ice and Trader Joe's lemonade - it's the perfect blend of not too sweet or sour!

I made a 12 month banner of  my little munchkin - love seeing how much she has grown over the months!

I wasn't wild on how my cake turned out, but it got the job done. I think I'll be returning to my tried and true Whole Foods patisserie chef!

Found these free party hats from Caravan Shoppe. Target had a banner of pom-poms in their dollar section I cut the string off and hot-glued the pom poms on the hats. I printed off pink and blue, for a more festive look

Birthday girl with Grandma Walker! She did not care for her hat.

Char with her Grammie, Grandad and Uncle Bobby

What are y'all staring at?

Mom, why haven't we had this until now?

Charlotte literally had two girls at her party - one being her cousin! All our friends had boys in the last few years, and my boy-crazy daughter is just fine with it. We joked we can't wait to see these kiddos fit on this loveseat in high school. 

And what 1st birthday is complete without a huge, polka dot ball pit from your Aunt Kendall? 

Some advice for hosting a toddler birthday party:
1. Think of the space - do you have room to spread out, for adults to sit down, but still chase their kids around?
2. Menu - SIMPLE! Don't knock yourself out! We served pizza, watermelon and cake!
3. Keep the guest list small! The party won't last long and it will be too overwhelming to have 100 people there!

Working Mom Problems

I think one of the hardest chapters of my life has been going back to work as a new mother. I think there are multiple factors that have played into my re-entry to the workforce, but it's hard no matter how you look at it.

I am at a juncture in my career where I know I need to be doing something that excites me and gets me up in the morning - but I also realize that I have more responsibility now as a parent and want my child to have every opportunity possible.

Last night after dinner with a girlfriend, I crept into Charlotte's room, took her out of the crib and rocked her - something I never do but needed to, despite how exhausted I was. It was the best hour of my day, and it makes every work day that much more worth it.

The only advice I have for myself and other new moms is to take one day at a time, tackle it, and move on to the next.

And every once in awhile, to take a risk.

Holidays and a New Year

2017 has rolled around and I have a good feeling about this year. I think it's going to be a year of transition and change for me, but having Charlotte has taught me to look through all things in my life with a better perspective.

A recap of our holidays:

Khaner and I were kind of behind on Christmas party invites - time gets away with a newborn! But we rallied and had a great time with about 20 of our friends!

As a new mom, I am learning to "arrange" and "assemble" more than cook. It's easier, less hassle, but equally delicious. I think if I was told there was one food I could only eat moving forward, it would be charcuterie plates. 

Love flowers from Trader Joes - always in season, delicate and inexpensive! These graced our island over Christmas weekend.

My all-time favorite home decorator Lisa Hilderbrand inspired me with these gorgeous citrus arrangements. Hers were more like topiaries for her client's dining room table, but my blue and white bowl on the island will have to do :)

Christmas Eve dinner prep. I tried Provencal Fish Stew out of  Ina Garten's cookbook "Making It Ahead."  It came out SO good and I highly recommend it if your family likes seafood. The book is a great resource if you do a lot of entertaining and prefer to spend time with your guests, instead of in the kitchen!

I decided our Christmas party needed some cookies - they were gobbled up so quickly,  I made more for the weekend of Chrtistmas! Recipe here: 

The Walkers made the trek from Memphis to be with us!

A very excited little girl with all her family in town!

4 months old!

Christmas Eve dinner table - my mom bought me beautiful high-stem candle holders for Christmas. I adore them and can dress them with white candles all year round or red for the holidays, as I did here.

Host and Hostess before serving Christmas Eve dinner - note my sauv blanc is never too far away :)

My mom was dying for a photo of three generations - she got one! Best we could get on Christmas Day with Charlotte.

Mom and Dad with us

My favorite Christmas present ever.

Carter had to take a break from all his host duties...

Grammie and her Charlotte.

Grandad and Charlotte

My comfort and joy.

From the same Make It Ahead cookbook, I prepared Ina's filets with mustard sauce and mushrooms for a quiet New Year's Eve dinner at home, just the three of us. DIVINE!

We probably should have had a green vegetable as well, but New Year's is for indulging, right? K made his delicious twice baked potatoes

I paired two candle holders I received for Christmas. Love the glass ones from Mom and brass ones from K. They really set the mood in our dining room.

One of the more tame New Years' we've had together. Very parent-friendly!

Back at it

Our munchkin has been the light of our lives the past 14 weeks. A lot has changed since then. I am back at work and of course have mixed emotions about being away from Charlotte. I am grateful for an incredible employer who paid me to be with her the first 3.5 months of her life, and deep down I know going back to work is the best decision for our family.

In many ways I will miss seeing each small development she makes, as well as not having any set agenda other than her nap and feeding schedule. In other ways, I am proud of my career and the work I've accomplished, and know that getting back in the saddle is just as important for me as it is for Charlotte.

None of this would work without my amazing husband, and now the best Daddy on earth. I can not comprehend how single parents do this every single day while also holding down a full time job (or two). He and Charlotte are the greatest blessings God has ever given me.

With that, I plan on getting back into the swing of things all for our little nugget, whom we love to the ends of the earth and back!

I mean, really?

Charlotte Leigh Walker

Our sweet Charlotte arrived 6 days early on August 24. We are so in love and enjoying every minute with her!

Weekend Recap

These days, we are that boring married couple that spends their weekends picking out tile, marble, paint colors and furiously cleaning our already clean house. I am really nesting - big time. Whenever I finish one project there is another one I/we need to tackle. No, the kitchen remodel isn't enough. I needed a newly painted front door. Then I realized, what's a newly painted front door without a new storm door to go with it? (More to come on that in a later post). Khaner has been more than patient with me. In some ways though, while we can't travel or go to the beach, we might as well make use of our "house arrest" as I call it, waiting for our sweet girl to arrive.

I know you're probably thinking that our unborn child is not going to care about her window treatments, fabrics or upholstery in her nursery, what front door she has, or if she has marble counters instead of formica. But it sure does make Mama feel better, and when Mama ain't happy, aint nobody happy :)

Update on nursery. If you recall from here, I had a lot of plans for this room. From initial concept, most of my vision has come to life, sans the chandeliers. When your husband rarely puts his foot down, you have to roll with it the occasional times he does.

Looking in from doorway from master to nursery. Didn't my father in-law do an amazing job on the cornices? Can't wait for Emily to finish the drapes, another post on that to come! The couple we purchased our home from actually lives behind us and the wife, Caroline (I know!) came by to bring us a baby gift. She, like my mother, thinks the room feels larger with furniture in it. When they lived in the house, it was used as a home office.

View from the master bath/laundry room hallway. I have received so many compliments on her animal prints from Etsy

View from bookcase, looking into master bedroom from nursery.

My sweet parents treated us to this glider from Pottery Barn. All our friends said if we planned to splurge anywhere, to splurge here, especially if having more than one baby. You spend so much time rocking, nursing and cuddling, you want it to be  comfortable on your back. I made sure to choose one with a washable slipcover too!

My sweet coworker has a monogramming machine at home and made this beautiful masterpiece for my footstool. I think Charlotte can use this later on when she's older for the foot of her bed or for a vanity. I purchased the trim from Printer's Alley and used double sided tape to affix.

And security for the house is on double-time with their sister on her way! Practice makes perfect says Cater :)

In the midst of all my craziness, we also squeezed in some much-needed practice babysitting our dear friends Christy and Will's little girl, Cate. I could eat this child with a spoon, she is so adorable.

What are some of your summer home improvement projects?